I have learned so much in this class during the semester.  The thing I gleaned the most beneficial was hearing what other people have learned.  I talked with one girl for our final and I learned so much from her and it was powerful to hear her testimony.  She had different insights that I had never even thought of.  So I'm going to post the top ten things I learned in class so hopefully someone else can gain so insight from the things  I have learned.

1.      The idea that family is a system – Each person has a role within the family, and a personal decision can affect the whole family.  I will use this knowledge someday with my future family as we grow and solve problems together.

2.      I don’t need to trade my mind for a mop – Society wants women to believe that if they aren't working they are dumb and useless, but that’s not the case, just because I want to stay home with my children does not mean I have to quit learning.  I can learn new things everyday while I am at home.

3.      Don’t trust before I know – From the book How to Avoid Falling in Love with a Jerk, I shouldn't put all of my trust in someone before I actually know someone, because that’s stupid! Heartache will almost always follow.

4.      Has a woman I have divine roles – In The Family: A Proclamation to the World, it specifies specific mothers and fathers should have.  This does not mean that we shouldn't help each other along the way, but mothers are intended to be nurturer and fathers are typically the providers.  However, they are equals.

5.      The bond between husband and wife is the most essential thing – It seems like in almost every case when there is a problem within the family, the spouses bond is not as strong as it could be.  This is helping things to go right, marriage is not easy, but it is divine and the work is worth it.

6.      Respect is key to raising teenagers – I know I am a long way off from having teenagers, as I’m not even married, but right now I’m closer to the age of a teenager and I want to remember how I felt and important it is for teenagers to feel that respect.  Hopefully when I’m really old I can remember that.

7.      When a crisis occurs involve the entire family – like I said in number one, families are a system and with that being the case families will fair much better if they can decide things together.  Also it draws families closer together.

8.      I should never be alone with a member of the opposite sex that isn't my spouse or a member of my family – Even though it seems harmless, many amazing LDS people have fallen into this trap.  Infidelity stems from the tiniest things and I want to always be loyal to spouse in thought, word, and action.  Better safe than sorry!

9.      Marriage takes work – Although this is similar to one above, I honestly think I can’t empathize it enough! I think so many people (especially girls) think that once you get married it is happily ever after.  But that doesn’t come until much later.  Two people, who are devoted to their Father in Heaven and abide by His will, can make it work.

The Council Method – I come from a family who has never had a family council (at least not an official one that I can remember) we talked about stuff, but I think when decisions must be made, everyone must agree upon the same thing.  I think most of the time we just went with whatever my parents said, but I think I would have liked some of that power.

I know that Heavenly Father sent us her so that we could form eternal families.  We can learn and grow so much from them.  I am so thankful to have the knowledge that I do, and hopefully I continue to share the things that I have learned from this class throughout the semester.  It's been very beneficial and I know that my future family will be stronger because of it. There is reason we are with the family that we are.  I do not believe I have the family that I do purely by coincidence.   

The Parent I Hope to Be.

In class this week we discussed parenting.  I'm not a parent yet, nor will I be a parent for awhile.  But I do know the kind of parent I want to be. 

In John Gottman's book, How to Raise an Emotionally Intelligent Child, he talks about the importance of raising children to understand their emotions. You do this through five steps: 1. Be aware of a child’s emotions 2. Recognize emotional expression as an opportunity for intimacy and teaching 3. Listen empathetically and validate a child’s feelings 4. Label emotions in words a child can understand 5. Help a child discover appropriate ways to solve a problem or deal with an upsetting situation. 

Sometimes the best way to show someone you love them, is to show them you understand how they feel.  They can better recover from emotionally stresses and emotion coaching also teaches them how to problem-solve.  If you are a parent or even a future parent, I would highly recommend this book.

In an october conference talk, Elder Larry R. Lawrence of the seventy, also offered five different strategies for parents.  He said, "Church leaders have counseled us to establish righteous patterns in our homes. Consider five fundamental practices that have the power to fortify our youth: family prayer, family scripture study, family home evening, family dinner together, and regular one-on-one interviews with each child."

As we follow this counsel and glean to the gospel, we will better understand how to raise our children.  I know I'm not going to be a perfect mother, but if I could only teach one thing to my children, I would want it to be about their Savior, Jesus Christ.  Who atoned for their sins and died so they could live again.  I would hope that they could understand the immense love that He has for them.  

I know that as I rely on the Lord, he will continue to guide me through my life and through the lives of my future children. 

Father Mentality

A guy that I work with is expecting his first child in the next week or so.  The other day I asked him if he was ready for the baby to come and he looked me straight in the eye and said, "No, I'm not.  I don't know how to raise a child or be a father.  I am mentally not prepared for this."

In order for a father to mentally prepare themselves, they need to be involved from the very beginning, during the pregnancy stages.  When the baby kicks, have them feel.  Have him help make decisions.  This will help him prepare himself for the baby's coming and form an attachment to the baby.

In an article about fathers in this process it says that fathers can go through three different phases.  The confirming phase in the first trimester where the father will either experience joy or conflict in the coming of a child.  The second phase is the moratorium phase where the father becomes adjusted to the reality of the pregnancy during the second trimester.  In the third trimester, the father will experience the focusing phase where the father will redefine himself with the idea of becoming a father (Callister, 2003).  These stages will come naturally to a mother who's body is changing, accommodating the child, but fathers have no way of feeling different.  All they see is their wife getting bigger.  It is important for the wife to help her husband through each of these stages. 
 Elder L. Tom Perry said that the father has three roles in the family, these are to be leaders, teachers, and providers. If a father had a strong attachment with his children, I think the desire to fulfill these roles is greater.

There have been studies that show the importance of fathers in the home.  However, I think a father would do no good in the home if he wasn't portraying any of these roles to begin with.

Callister, L. C., Matsumura, G., & Vehvilainnen-Julkunen, K. (2003). He’s Having a Baby: The Paternal Childbirth Experience. Marriage and Families. Retrieved from http://marriageandfamilies.byu.edu/issues/2003/January/baby.aspx