Is Gender Divine?

My Best Friend just got married yesterday.  She was almost glowing, she was so happy.  She is just starting this road of marriage, it will we a hard road, but a fulfuilling one as well.  I started to think about my parents marriage.  This August is their 30th wedding anniversary.  My parents are the best example to me, of what a marriage should be like.

In my parenting class this semester, we were asked to interview a married and couple of what it takes to have a successful marriage.  As I was interviewing them, some amazing things stood out to me.  My mother brought up roles and responsibilities in marriage.  She said that they should be equal but that does not mean that they should be split fifty-fifty.  For example, each doing the same amount of dishes, chores, yard work etc.  Having equal responsibility does not mean doing the same amount of each of those things.  My mother mentioned that because my father goes to work all day and earns money, she should clean up around the house and take care of the children while my dad is away.  She said that this was an equal share of responsibility.

This may seem stereotypical, that men work and women stay home and cook or clean.  But men and women are different.  Genetically and spiritually.  In the Family: A Proclamation to the world, it states, "By divine design, fathers are to preside over their families in love and righteousness and are responsible to provide the necessities of life and protection for their families. Mothers are primarily responsible for the nurture of their children. In these sacred responsibilities, fathers and mothers are obligated to help one another as equal partners."  Our gender roles, are by divine design.  We came to this earth with our gender, and it is our responsibility to fill those roles.  This does not mean that men are better then women or vice versa.  We should be equal partners.  We are all children of our Father in Heaven.  He loves us all, and wants us to return to Him.  As men and women we can help each other along the way and achieve our highest potential.

High or low?

So this week we talked a little about social class.  It is interesting to me that a lot of people in the United States view themselves as a certain social class, almost like a cast system.  They think they are better than someone else or more worthy, because they have more money or live in a certain area.  It is an interesting idea, but social class does effect the family.

If I were to classify my family's social class, I would probably peg us as somewhere in the middle.  We always had enough and sometimes a little more, but we didn't live luxuriously.  As a child, I never even thought about how much money we did or didn't have.  If we struggled, my parents never let me see it.  I think about children who were raised in a different social class and wonder how they would have been raised differently.  Of course I can't speak for them because I've never been there, but I imagine children in those atmospheres would have more concerns then I ever had to worry about.  Those who are in the lower class or poverty for example.  It would be hard as a parent to hide some of your concerns if you were worried about feeding or dressing your children each day.  Although children don't pick up everything, but they can pick up on parental stress, and it can heavily effect the children's stress levels.  On the other hand, how would a child be raised in a higher class?  I imagine their concerns would be different.  Although, whose to say who has the greater concern.

We are all children of a higher being.  It doesn't matter to our Father in Heaven whether you are rich or poor.  In his eyes, we are all royalty.  Although money is important, it is such an earthly concern.  Instead of looking down or up and judging people for what they do or do not have, think instead how Heavenly Father would see them.  No matter what your class, everyone can give and serve.  A lower class can serve a higher class. It all depends on your attitude towards people and how you are perceiving them.  We would all do will to live our lives as the Savior lived His.  Chris didn't have a social class.  He didn't look down on people and think they were unworthy of His presence, nor did he look up to people and think they were too high and mighty for His blessings.  He loved and served everyone.  Think of the example parents would set for their children if they had that mindset of what can we give today, instead of what can we get.  No matter where you are in class, your life will truly be blessed if you serve others with a heart full of love and charity.

Family as a System

The concept of viewing family as a system is interesting.   The word system is a regularly interacting or interdependent group of items forming a unified whole.  This idea of family systems theory, suggests that people are not to live in isolation from each other.  We are meant to live with other people and to build relationships with them.  Each relationship is vital to the function of the system.  Personally I believe that the most important relationship is between the mother and father.  This relationship sets the foundation for all of the others.   The closer the husband and wife, the stronger the other relationships can be.  As parents, specifically, the bond between them will effect the rest of the family.  It's hard to parent alone, so that is why it's important to have the support from someone going through it with you.  It is important for children to see this bond.  It sets an example and precedent for future relationships in their life.  The more a husband and wife love each other, the stronger they will love their children together.  Studies have shown how important it is in their development for children to form attachments with their parents.  This should start from day one as newborn infants and continue to be nurtured throughout their life.  

 Our family system will never be perfect, but the best we can do is strive draw closer to our Father in Heaven.  He should be the basis in which we set our system.  The more we align our lives with His will, the more we can become unified in a greater purpose. 

Size Matters

Paul R. Ehrlich (who wrote the book Population Bomb) was in the film, Demographic Winter & Demographic Bomb (2009).  He basically stated that having five children is like robbing a bank because the more children a person has, the less others can have because of the lack of resources. 

I disagree with him for a number of reasons.  I'm mainly passionate about this topic because I come from a family of five children.  Although I am currently unmarried, at some point I plan to have as many children that is right for my family.  Ehrlich had a lot of predictions in in his book about the state of our world if we continue on the same path of population growth.  He said that this earth couldn't handle 4 billion people, however the population of the world today is about 6 million people and yet we still are managing to find resources.  He was wrong about this prediction, which makes me believe that he was wrong about the number of children a family should have as well.

President Spencer W. Kimball said: 

"You did not come on earth just to “eat, drink and be merry.” You came knowing full well your responsibilities. You came to get for yourself a mortal body that could become perfected, immortalized, and you understood that you were to act in partnership with God in providing bodies for other spirits equally anxious to come to the earth for righteous purposes. And so you will not postpone parenthood. There will be rationalists who will name to you numerous reasons for postponement. Of course, it will be harder to get your college degrees or your financial start with a family, but strength like yours will be undaunted in the face of difficult obstacles. 

“Have your family as the Lord intended. Of course it is expensive, but you will find a way, and besides, it is often those children who grow up with responsibility and hardships who carry on the world’s work. And, John and Mary, do not limit your family as the world does. I am wondering now where I might have been had my parents decided arbitrarily that one or two children would be enough, or that three or four would be all they could support, or that even five would be the limit; for I was the sixth of eleven children. Don’t think you will love the later ones less or have few material things for them. Perhaps like Jacob, you might love the eleventh one most. Young people, have your family, love them, sacrifice for them, teach them righteousness, and you will be blessed and happy all the days of your eternal lives.“

 - President Spencer W. Kimball (in an open letter to all young couples, found here in the Ensign, June 1975)

Being from a family of five, I have a first person experience of how the number of children has affected all of our lives.  My brothers and I are all twos years apart.  My parents thought they were done having children at four.  Six years later however, they felt like there was someone missing, so they decided to have one more child.  If they hadn't decided this, I would not have my beautiful little sister.  She is an example to me and she is my best friend.  Not only did it effect our family's lives, but it would have effected each and every life that she has been a apart of so far.  

Family size should be a prayerful decision between you, your spouse, and the Lord.  No family is the same.  Some families will have many children, others can only handle a few.  It is extremely important not to judge others in their decisions about family size because we never know what their situation might be.  However, I do know that children are a true blessing and they add to this beautiful world, not take away from it.

Hey everyone!

I'm starting this blog for my Family Relations class, so hopefully throughout the course of the semester I'll get the hang of this, and share some of my views on family.  Family is the most important thing in my life, so I'm excited to share some of my thoughts.