Do you know who you're dating?

This past week in class, we have been discussing dating and finding a marriage companion.  I am not married so it was interesting hearing from people in class who are.  We heard a wide variety of experiences in this process, and it has helped me to think of it in a different perspective.

I have never really had a serious relationship, all of them have not made it past four weeks.  Not really because of anything negative, but most of them had to do with timing.  Usually I find myself dating people who are moving, and not wanting to do long distance with just juvenile relationships, they end.  However, each time I find myself getting heartbroken, but I honestly didn't really "know" any of these guys.  Of course I knew them before we started to date, some of them I had known for years, but I only knew them in friend situations.  We would hang out in group settings.  Thinking I "knew" them, I would commit myself wholeheartedly, even when I knew it would only last for a couple of weeks.  Each relationship was different, but usually during those weeks, we did not get to talk on a one on one basis as much, and if we did, it was about trivial stuff like the weather.  Of course I wanted to get to know them better, but because time was so short, I avoided it thinking this would save my heart.  It never did.

In class we talked about the Relationship Attachment Model.  The aspects on the model were: know, trust, rely, commit, and touch.  They each had a scale lined up next to one another.  The highest scale should be "know" and the the rest should fall under it.  If any of those aspects are higher then "know" it throws the whole model off.  For example, I put commit, rely, and sometimes even touch higher.  I put too much faith into someone I didn't even really know.  But it isn't smart to do that.  Putting it side by side, it doesn't even make sense that I committed to this person who was leaving.  Time and time again, I find myself doing that.  And instead of saying, "Well, we both like each other, we might as well enjoy the time we have together," maybe I should be saying, "Maybe we should take the time to get to know each other, instead of jumping into this whole dating thing.  Let's not worry about the physical aspect or even deciding whether or not we are exclusive."  I think that would have fared far better, and I would have been saved all the heart break.  And maybe it would have worked out.  Not all of them left for good.

 I don't regret any of those relationships.  In fact, I've always said they are learning experiences, even more so now with what I now know.  Instead of just accepting the fact that they did not work out, I know now why.  Hopefully, I can now avoid the whole history repeating itself and maybe change my approach.